Sunday, June 14, 2009

It's Not You, It's Me by Kerry Cohen Hoffmann

Henry breaks up with Zoë. Zoë decides that she won’t have it because it was her relationship, too, and it is clearly Her Whole Life, and she should have some say in its disintegration. So she decides the best way to woo him back is by climbing up a tree right outside his window and slipping a poem she wrote about him in, giving him a collage she made of their Happier Times in plain sight at school, befriending his new love interest so as to further stalk every aspect of his life, and pestering him until you lose all your sense of civilization and wish she were real so you could whack her upside the head with a copy of Twilight.

But then you realize that even if by some miracle characters could come alive, she wouldn’t have enough meat on her to stand up and take the blow because she’s so freaking one-bordering-on-two dimensional. As is every last miserable character in this mess of a novel.

Zoë is a more psychotic Bella, down to the worshipping the ground Henry walks on and the excessively clumsy streak that acts as a catalyst way more times than it ever should, which is precisely zero in any situation.

Her best friends, Shannon and Julia, are either indulging her crap by giving her more ideas out of Stalker Today or acting like the Voices of Reason, which is fancy coming from people who 50% of the time are no better than she is. The chip on Zoë’s shoulder had more personality than the sum of all their parts, not surprisingly.

And the love interests were clearly on a leave of absence because I cannot, for the life of me, remember anything striking about them.

Tying everything up is a heavy-handed message that you shouldn’t use people and you shouldn’t lose your sense of self in a relationship because that’s a Big Turn Off and the guy will lose interest. But it fails on so many levels, none the least in the realistic aspect, where you gotta wonder if something this ridiculous is meant to be funny and if so, whom exactly is the joke on? The only redemptive quality is that the writing flows, but even so, what can you do with that when everything else flakes out on you?

So, really, this is the tale of what a more psychotic Bella would do if Edward had stuck around after the breakup in New Moon. And for just $16 you can be a proud owner.

Any takers?

1 star if I did that kind of rating system. Not sure what grade--D or F? Eh, who cares, bottom line is: no recommendation.

20 comments:

Lenore said...

Well, the cover is cute, so it might look good on your shelf.

Lianne said...

ve been hearing mixed reviews about this book so I'm sure if I'm going to read it or not. Too bad you didn't like it.

Hagelrat said...

Oh dear god. Well given I threw twilight across the room in disgust when I finished it, I'll probably skip this one.

Diana Dang said...

Psychotic Bella where Edward runs away? Homg, I have to borrow this!! XD

beth said...

I agree with Lenore: that cover is WAY cute. But...the plot sounds dreadful!

Brooke Reviews said...

Aye, sounds no good at all. I guess you could read it for laughs? lol

a flight of minds said...

Aw. Sorry you didn't like it. I'll probably be skipping over this one, since I haven't heard stellar reviews about it, and I wouldn't read it usually anyway. It sounds so meh and annoying. Thanks for the review.

It's a waste of a cover then.

- Alex

Anonymous said...

oh is it kinda weird i want to read it just so i can see it myself. lol

Amee said...

Yikes, desperation is never pretty. But like everyone else says, what a cute cover!

Summer said...

haha the reviews about this book have been really lukewarm or not good

the wanderer said...

I agree the cover is way cute, but it sounds like that's all it really has going for it. Isn't it so disappointing when you pick something up with a cute over or something that sounds like it'll be a good read and then it's just a mess? I always feel so let down - like I want nothing more than for it to be really good!

Michelle said...

Sorry you didn't enjoy it.:( I think it looks really cute. Thanks for the honest review! :D

Bibliovore said...

Wow! This was so scathing I checked my wishlist to see if I had to remove it, because it sounds like that would hit all my buttons too. (For the record, it wasn't.)

Miss Cindy said...

Too bad you didn't like it...

Bookworm said...

Oh, too bad. The cover is so cute! I know, the main character sounds so STUPID! Boo hoo....

Liviania said...

Stalker love interests scare me. Please tell me they at least don't end up back together? That's when those stories really bother me.

Steph said...

Oh, Livinia, thanks for reminding me--I should've counted that as another redemptive quality. No, they do not, praise the lord.

infiniteshelf said...

I really wanted to read this one, but now, hmmm, not so sure. Maybe if I can borrow it?

But the cover is so pretty and simple!

inkspatters said...

Well, that just goes to show that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover...

Sara said...

Very disappointing. I was looking forward to this one.

Post a Comment

Hey! For some reason, this embedded comment form makes most people click twice before the comment is processed and published. It's not you - it's just that it's a new Blogger feature with kinks and all that. (But I adore it and don't wanna get rid of it!) I removed Captcha to make the process easier. You don't have to rewrite the comments twice; just click on SUBMIT twice and it should work. If not, email me. Thanks! -Steph