Thursday, April 9, 2009

Soooooo Off Topic

Can you date a friend's ex-boyfriend? What's the 'etiquette' for that?

(Morbid curiosity. None of my friends have boyfriends I am particularly interested in that way. Plus, Jason and I are very happy.)

25 comments:

katie said...

I dated one of my friends ex-boyfriends but it was only after about 6 months had passed and I had her permission before we ever did anything. So yes I think it is okay.

WhatBriReads said...

Haha, I've done it. But my friend was basically like "Go ahead, have him, I want nothing to do with him in that way and you'd make a cute couple."

I guess it depends on how each person feels about it though.

Carol(ina) said...

Sure you can. You can do anything you want. Will your friend still talk to you? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on what kind of friend she is. Supposedly, girls are not supposed to date your friends' ex's. But sometimes girls can't help it, now can we? ;)

And I'm sorry, I don't find Jason attractive at all.

Steph Su said...

My friend "dated" my crush without letting me know. I tried to be a good sport about it--she wanted it to work so badly--but secretly, I was crushed. It hurt our friendship. So yeah, I think it all depends on the friend and what she says is okay. If she doesn't COMPLETELY THRUST her ex at you, then it's not. Most of the time, friendships are worth more than a short-lived relationship.

Thao said...

I guess it's okay if it's really over between them. If not, the best way is to stay away as far as possible. This one stupid guy jumped back and forth from my friend to his ex and it ruined their friendship in an awful way. The girls are now life-time enemies =.=

Michelle Zink said...

Personally, I think you can date a friend's ex-boyfriend if A) she broke up with him, B) they broke up so long ago that it doesn't matter and/or your friend is in no way still pining after said bf, i.e. he is not the love of her life, C) your friend has dated so many guys since the breakup that it's ridiculous to consider this particular ex the love of her life, or D) your friend has said she doesn't care - and means it.

I used to be part of the No-Way, No-How camp, but now that I live in a very small town where most of the kids start kindergarten and graduate high school together, I realize it's just not practical to make it a rule on principle. If we did, everyone would have one bf or gf - their first - and that would be the end of that!

trish said...

'Course, if I was in the situation, I'd probably have a different opinion, but as someone who's not in that situation, I say, You can't find someone in the millions of people to date, you *have* to date the ONE guy who was with your friend? My only reasoning is that of course your girlfriend's going to say, Go ahead and date him, because if she doesn't, she comes off as bitchy, and girls try to avoid that. Granted, you may have one of the few girlfriends who is totally honest and upfront, but most likely your friend is like 99% of the other girls who won't tell you that they'd rather you didn't date their ex.

This is all hypothetical of course.

Liv said...

Um. I apologize, but you must be mistaken. Jason Mraz is mine.

BUT. Yes, you can totally date a friend's ex-boyfriend. Adds some nice drama. The only time I myself have actually seen it happen is with two of my friends when they both went through a series of three boys. One girl dated a guy first and then the other girl dated him next. And on that way times 3.

Amee said...

I'd say no if you're good friends and want to stay that way. If it isn't that strong a friendship and you don't care to mess with it though, go ahead. I'd personally be hurt if a friend went after a guy I used to date. Even one I only really liked and never dated would hurt. I'd have to ask myself how much I could really trust that person with anything.

Steph said...

Ah, Liv, that must've sucked for the second one who looked like a rebound girl whether she was one or not.

Also, no. Jason is MINE.

Anonymous said...

Personally? It's slutty to hook up with a friend's ex.

There, I said it.

Taren said...

It depends on a lot of things. How good is the friend? How long ago and why did they break up? Does she care? Is the guy worth any drama that being with him might cause?

I'm from a small town where dating a friend's ex or relative or other friend was inevitable. Everyone has known each other since birth and with one exception it wasn't a big deal at all. In that respect at least, my friends were sane. If everyone can just be cool about it, that's great. If your friend tells you she's cool with me and it turns out she lied, I'd say you're still in the right since she had the opportunity to tell you the truth, thus preventing the relationship.

Brooke Reviews said...

I guess you gotta think about the reason him and your friend are no longer together first. :) I'd say it's a no no. I wouldn't want my friend dating my ex.

Genevieve said...

Overall, no. Dating friends exs are verrrrry iffy. There can be some bad or uncomfortable outcomes if someone dates their friend's ex. It might be 'fine' but would you (the royal you) want to hear digs or the friend mention "Well, when we were going out.." or "Oh, he did that with me too..." or cutting remarks. I wouldn't want my friend to date my ex (if I had an ex) either. So I wouldn't date my friend's ex unless I didn't plan on being their friend anymore.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michelle said...

Personally, I could never date any of my friend's ex-boyfriends. It's just too weird. :/ But if someone ever did want to, they should really talk to their friend first although the whole thing just screams awkward to me lol.

SunShine said...

Go for it. Just be ready for your friend to be a little pissed. But if you guys like each other and are happy, don't let the fact that he's her ex get in the way.

writemeg said...

Like other folks have said, I say it absolutely depends on the situation! First and foremost, I'd have to know how long they dated -- and, by proxy, was it serious? If they were together a month, it wasn't right and they mutually agreed to separate... go for it. If they were together for years, inseparable, someone broke it off... I'd have to really think about it. Is it a good friend, or just an acquaintance?

I've never dated a friend's ex or had my ex date a friend, but I can imagine it would be a little painful and awkward regardless. Sometimes we don't realize how deep feelings can run until we're confronted with a situation like that! :)

But love and let love, I suppose!

Megan said...

In high school it feels like everyone is someone's ex. I think that it's okay to date an acquaintance-friend's ex, but not a good friend's ex, if you know what I mean.

Reader Rabbit said...

As long as the friend is okay with it, why not?

Bookworm said...

I'd ask my friend first, tell her I honestly like him, and then ask if oit was OK by her!

Jen said...

I agree with Michelle up there ^_^ And because I'm morbidly curious, is this the note friend you're asking for?

Steph said...

Hahaha I'm just curious. I never got the memo on this topic. When I was younger I used to preach this: Do you want friends who limit you? Those who get in the way of your free will? If any of your friends have a problem with you dating their ex, terminate that friendship!

(Yeah I was stupid.)

And no, I wouldn't date my friend's crush. I think in some ways that's even worse than dating an ex.

farmlanebooks said...

It's not good ettiquette - but I ended up marrying my best friends ex-boyfriend!

We've been happily married for 10 years now - so it can work!

She is still my best friend too!

janetgurtler said...

No...no...no....

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