Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Love Letters

What is everyone's opinion of them?

OMG EMERGENCY.

My super down-to-earth, math fiend of a friend up and surprised me at school today with a love letter she'd written to her senior crush. She wanted me to tell her what I thought.

I read it. It is...omg.

It is sappy. It is not gonna work. Guys, the words "I can't stop you from getting hurt, but I can be your shoulder to cry on" are on there. It's a nice sentiment and I can see where one would think it's romantic, but they've known each other for all of a month. She'll ruin any chance she has with him.

Seriously, guys HATE it when you hand it to them on a silver platter. Where's the wonder? Where's the mystique?

This is shit. I feel horrible posting about it online but I need help being gentle in letting her know I think it'll suck majorly for her. Anyone wanna 'help a sista out' or whatever?

26 comments:

Eli said...

The words "I think it might be a little much" are always useful.

Steph said...

She'll cry. I think.

Caty Morse said...

uhh....steal it, throw it in a dumpster, say it's an accident, and hope she doesn't have copies....?

Taren said...

Please get online, as we have things to discuss. But yeah, that's not going to work. At all. Poor girl. I did stuff like that when I was younger and now that years have passed I realize how ridiculous it made me look -like a stalker in a Lifetime movie.

Tell her that writing it in a note is never the thing to do. If she wants him to know she likes him she needs to act on it subtley -verbally and by her actions. If he likes her he'll respond. Guys aren't that difficult. They don't play the mind games most girls do. If he doesn't act interested, chances are he isn't. Not to stereotype, but senior boys(most boys really) will never be as dramatic as girls, so offering to be his shoulder to cry on is probably just going to make him laugh, as he probably does not (nor will he ever) need a shoulder to cry on.

Adele said...

Guys don't admit they cry. So by offering her shoulder she's implying he's weak and that won't do anything for his ego. Thus he'll turn her down.

There's my little half-baked psychological breakdown of why her letter won't work lol

Reader Rabbit said...

Tell her to throw it out.

That's where that kind of thing belongs.

On a politer note, just tell her that while the letter has so much feeling, wouldn't it be better to let him know it personally so he doesn't take it the wrong way?

Donna said...

Real friends tell friends when they're about to make an ass of themselves. Just tell her. Say something like, "It's a really nice letter but it's too soon and you're going to scare him off. There are better ways to let him know you like him." Or something. Compliment the letter, whether you like it or not, but it's your duty, as a friend, to prevent her from making an ass of herself if you're in the know.

Lenore said...

I once gave a "love letter" to a guy quoting the words from a Tori Amos song. Yeah...he never talked to me again. Love letter giving never ends well in high school. Tell her that.

Diana Dang said...

Love letters are so... passe. If she wants to ask the guy out, do it in person. Or else he would be running away from her every time he sees her after she gave it to him.

Amy said...

eek, whatever you do, don't send a love letter! Guys like independent girls, and while love letters may work occasionally, usually they just end up in mortification. Not that i know from personal experience ;) lol
-amy

Shalonda said...

First of all, writing a letter is wrong on so many levels, so I won't even get started on that.

Now as for the content, I agree with everyone, it's only going to scare him away. If she really likes this guy, she's going to have to use a more natural approach--in other words, she just needs to be herself and not try to impress him.

And Steph, you've gotta save her the embarrassment. Her feelings may be hurt, but she'll thank you later.

Reverie said...

I am in no way good at letting people down but I agree that girls should not just go off and throw themselves at guys. it's all about the chase.

Alea said...

Err I can't be very much help, I've only written a why are you such an a$$ letter lol! I think I even had a talking points notecard. Wow that's something I would love to forget.

Jodie said...

Play her the Snow Patrol song ('I broke into your house last night...' - the name escapes me). Play her the Plain White Ts song (Hey There Delilah). Ask her why her letter will work when real life famous people can't get girls by writing them songs that sell really, really well.

No seriously love letters are perfect when you're in a relationship, or when you're trying to get back into a relationship or when you're absolutely sure the person feels the same way. You just need to find a sensitive way to explain that life is not a movie and in real life a relationship can not be pushed forward through big romantic gestures. Big gestures (and I'd say the love letter is possibly one of the biggest in terms of expressing your emotional openness/ vulnerability) are the way to explain to someone how just much you love them, when they already know that you love them. Otherwise they're just a scary shock.

Good luck telling her and if you work out a sensitive way to do so perhaps you can help me explain some things to a few friends of mine...

Amee said...

Aw, poor girl. I've never written a love letter, thank goodness! I've done some pretty stupid things though. I doubt I'd have listened to anyone who told me to stop so I'd say let her make the mistake. Hopefully it shows her what not to do and she can do better with her next crush.

Speed Reader said...

Love letters ... either are wonderful and perfect (if the person secretly likes you back) or makes you look like a stalking psycho (if they don't like you back) ... and most of the time you can bet on being viewed as a stalking psycho. :( Which is sad considering how many great love stories out there involved a love letter/poem of some kind that just makes my heart melt! But that's probably why this girl thinks it's a good idea to do.

Melissa said...

I agree with Taren--it would be best to convince your friend that actually talking to the guy is better than writing a note. And Eli's advice about "it might be a little much" is good, too. I don't think that's hurtful and it lets her know that she needs to be careful how she approaches this. While a girl might appreciate a note like that, there's no guarantee a guy would, and it might scare him off. I think you could suggest that, as well, without hurting her feelings.

I'll be interested to hear how it goes... Good luck!

H said...

Aww poor you, stuck in such a position. It's horrible knowing that you have to upset someone or else let them go ahead and do something stupid.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Maybe you should just tell her that you know people (us) who strongly advise against love letters from previous experiences.

Sadako said...

I knew a couple of girls in college who tried doing this--not exactly love notes, more like like notes, but I don't think they worked out so well. I think everyone else (and you) are right about your position re: love notes. It's fun to read them in books and so on but real life isn't books (sadly!).

Jen said...

Perhaps tell her that it would be a bit overwhelming and she might surprise him. I think that the best policy is honesty she just has to tell him that she likes him.

cupcakewitch said...

Maybe if she traded the "tell all" note in for a mysterious and cool note ?? So, she still gets to give him a note but just not one that will scared him off...

Thao said...

I think you should tell your friend to confess in person because it's the best way to see how he really feels about her/her feelings. It'd be really bad if the guy think it's something crazy and passes it among his friends as some kind of joke. And love letters don't usually work in my opinion. My friend wrote this one guy a love letter which is really unique but so far what she's got is a "Woah, your letter is really fun to read." =.=

violetcrush said...

no love letters until you are are well into the relationship, at least 1 year in.

You could just praise her letter and tell her to hold on for some time, ask her to send it after a while. Most probably, if she reads the letter in a couple of months, she'll realize how it would not have worked.

wrigleyfield said...

Boy, I hope people at your school don't read your blog.

Anonymous said...

Abort the letter! Abort the letter! You owe it to her as a friend to rip that damn thing to shreds.

Oy. If she wants to talk to the guy why not just suggest she ask him to go to a movie or something. They don't have to "talk" during the movie, so it won't be that uncomfortable, and maybe it'll lead somewhere.

Here's the thing though -- if a guy has the hots for you, whe won't need to be "convinced" to talk to you. He'll find a way. She can start the ball rolling, sure, but a letter isn't the way to do it. AT ALL. I cannot stress this enough. You can't risk what you can't afford to lose -- if she's gonna cry if you say, "It's a little much..." (per earlier comment) then think how she'll feel when his buddies steal it from his locker and start quoting it around school. Burn the sucker before it's too late!

Jennifer said...

How old is this girl? High school?

Dear god, no, don't say a damn word.

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