Monday, January 12, 2009

Drive Me Crazy: The Web 15

I’m sure it’s already clear to everyone that I’m a bitch, and a nitpicky one at that, so it’s not much of a stretch to say I have millions of ongoing lists of things that make me want to eat my heart out. And because I just put pen to paper for one of them, I’m going to share it. Take it with a grain of salt—it’s just for fun, 'kay? :)

Special thanks to Amee and Taren for the help in putting this together.

Drive Me Crazy: The Web Life

15. Banners that take up the whole screen and I have to scroll down to actually see any of the content. There’s no need for anything—and I mean anything—to be this big, ever.

14. My Chemical Romance banners, lyrics, or any such graphics paraphernalia
Bonus points: If it’s about The Black Parade.

13. Pop-ups
Bonus points: The pop-up depicts any sort of graphic sexual conduct not befit for the eyes of—well, anyone.
Double bonus points: Girl-on-girl.

12. Too long intros with no “skip” option.
Bonus points: If it’s the type that tells a story, and it’s a really shitty one, with really shitty animation, at that.

11. Random comments either for:
-Contests that have already ended.
-Someone you’ve never heard of before asking you to check out their site, having shown no indication that they even read the post in question. It’s called email.
Bonus points: Spam comments.
Double bonus points: Sexual spam comments.

10. Super long email signatures
Bonus points: If it’s multi-colored.

9. Unreadable font, either because it’s too small, too foreign, too ornamental, or too large.
Bonus points: If you have to highlight it to read it.

8. Punctuation abuse
Bonus points: If there’s a space before the last word and the punctuation dump !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. Comic Sans
Bonus points: Large-font Comic Sans.

6. Too many widgets. If you want to run a billboard service, there’s a number you can call for that.

5. Grammatical errors and/or chatspeak
Bonus points: If it’s intentional to make the person look “hip” or whatever. Example: Q4U.

4. Spam
Bonus points: If it’s offering you replica watches.
Double bonus points: If it advertises enhancement for an anatomical part you don’t even have.

3. Sites with too many pictures/emoticons/whatever, all of which take too long to load even for high-speed internet

2. People trying to be “cool”, either by using Ebonics, emo graphics, or purposefully fanciful lingo.
Bonus points: If they allude to SNL skits from seven centuries ago.

And the #1 annoyance for me is:

1. Background music.
Bonus points: If it’s screamo/really loud, anticlimactic crap cranked WAY up.
Double bonus points: If the player is hard to find or hidden.

20 comments:

stargirlreads said...

My number on peeve is annoying people you have newver met posting RUDE comments. For example some person on youtube started bothering me because my screen name is princessashley. Guess that means I think I'm better.

The Spam, more bonus points cracked me up. Around Christmas I got spam saying I could get as *ahem* big as santa in certain male places. lol

GreenBeanTeenQueen said...

Oh I hate the super long intro story things that you can't skip too-those are the most annoying, especially when I just need to look at one little thing on the site.

I also agree about the music-not fun when you're trying to look stuff up in peace and then music starts blaring at you and it takes forever to turn it off-ugh!

Amee said...

Glad to help! Although I think I was just the one sitting there going, "yeah that's so annoying!" :P

ALEXA YOUNG said...

Hey, yo. Just wanted to say I thought this list was dope. Word to your mother, 4 REALZ !!!!! :-) ;-) :-O

Alexa Young
Author of FRENEMIES (HarperTeen, 2008)
Is Halvalon breaking up or making up?
Find out in FAKETASTIC (HarperTeen, 2009)
www.alexayoung.blogspot.com
www.bestfrenemiesforever.com

Alea said...

LOL at Alexa Young! I'm for sure guilty of this!!!!!!!!! And a bit of the widget-ness. I hate super larger banners too!

Becky said...

I love you! I agree on almost everything on the list :) Especially, especially the background music. I hate it when I can't find the player so I can turn it off.I really wish people would not make players automatically play.

Becky said...

The only thing that annoys me that is not on your list are the talking ads--like the ones that say you've won this or that and are on a loop so that it doesn't just annoy you once, it endlessly annoys you.

AC said...

I'm coming out of lurkdom to agree with your list. Especially Comic Sans. Don't get me started on Comic Sans.

Also background music. Some of us are surreptitiously reading blogs at work. My boss doesn't need to be alerted to that fact by a bunch of skinny punks wailing about their problems.

WannabeWriter said...

LOL. This list is epic. I hate the girl-on-girl pop ups too, especially since my parents spend a lot of time hovering around my computer. And background noise is the reason I ALWAYS have earphones in my computer, so I don't wake everyone up at 3 AM with a sudden blast of death metal. xD

Michelle Zink said...

Lmao! I <3 you in all your nitpicky bitchiness, Reviewer X!
:D

Hillary said...

That was hilarious! I completely agree. Especially about he music.

robin_titan said...

The spam about the anatomical parts you don't even have-I HATE those.

but that's pretty funny

Lauren said...

That list was great and I agree with most off them. Especially the part about the music and pictures. The sites with all of those pictures take FOREVER to load. Half the time I just exit out of the site if that happens. Also, the whole music thing gets on my nerves since I will start to read something and all of sudden this big blast of annoying music comes on and I can't find the freaking player-ugh!

cindy said...

haha! these are great! and i'm a verdana girl myself...have been for nearly a decade! =D

Bookworm said...

LOL!

Brooke Reviews said...

I love lists like this. They make me happy. Thank you. :D

ALEXA YOUNG said...

I'm actually kind of pissed you didn't mention the pop-up ads for diet products. I'm particularly stoked every time I see the fat stomach-vs.-smaller stomach, both with "realistic" stretch marks. Full disclosure: I finally broke down and clicked on it the other day...and they actually have some woman advertising their product, PRETENDING she's just your average blogger. I think I found a new definition for Faketastic with that one, yo. ;-)

Mandy said...

Haha, I love this and agree with all of it. Thanks for the good laugh. I am guilty to liking metal and screamo, BUT I don't make a player of it and make it automatically play really loudly. I hate that! Especially when you have earphones in and it scares the hell out of you.

Leigh said...

I don't get the replica watch spam thing either...why do so many people try to sell me replica watches? Are they replicas OF watches? Do they only look good?

Laina said...

What the heck does Q4U even mean? I have to admit I'm guilty of background music, but I have mine right at the top so it's the first thing you see.

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