I won't be seeing Twilight the movie for a while (not released here yet) and I don't feel like downloading a bootleg version because let's face it, I've got better things to be doing, like THIS. Still, I'm having a ridiculously fabulous time looking at the online news for it. There's nothing you can't add a small dose of bacterial Twihards to that doesn't become virally funny.
And so I begin my online odyssey for humor fodder. Such is the type of thing I enjoy doing on Friday afternoons. :) This won't be long because I'm in the middle of another vampire book and I want to get back to it, but I just had to share.
A particularly funny starting point over at Film Blather and their review of Twilight:
A little while after Bella (Kristen Stewart) confesses her love to exceptionally[Via Do I Dazzle You?]
handsome 108-year old (but perpetually 17) vampire Edward Cullen (Harry Potter's
Robert Pattinson), Edward takes her to a cloud break at the top of a mountain.
With a fierce glint in his eye, he growls (I'm paraphrasing), "let me show you
what you've fallen in love with," and steps into the sun. Does his skin start
burning? Does he scream in pain? No, no. He glitters. His skin sparkles. "It's
beautiful," swoons Bella. These aren't vampires. These are fairies.
MSN (whose acronym might, judging by this article, mean My Snark Network) said:
Maybe whatever makes Bella smell so good to Edward has been spritzed onto the[Again via Do I Dazzle You?]
pages of the millions of books that have been sold.
So... Robert Pattinson apparently crushed under the weight of the mall mob, the 7-year-old Bella-to-be, his sparklepire sinister appearance, and let's not forget his hobo hair, so he overdosed on heroin at 3am on November 20th.
... oh, wait, that's NOT TRUE.
(Honestly, though, these rumor-mill midgets need to get more creative. Would Edward really kill himself with his heroin? Well, maybe. But he sure planned to do it with a lot more style in New Moon.)
But back to the reviews. Jezebel's is probably my favorite:
Worst of all, in Twilight, instead of being killed by the sun, vampires glitter
— and in the film, when Edward showed Bella his skin in direct sunlight, the
guffaws in the audience would not die down. Instead of making his skin look
"like diamonds," the special effects looked more like Gay Pride parade body
You can keep track of all the reviews and such via Twilight's Rotten Tomato page.
But wait, don't forget the WTF moment of the week: People who haven't read the book are not qualified to like (or dislike) the movie!
Okay, I'm getting bored now so I'll keep getting my Twilight updates from Cleolinda and refrain from propagating the movie news for fear I'll get stuck in this never-ending, downward spiral of hilarity.
ETA: OMG REASON #373982 NOT TO SEE THIS:
The people in the audience - haven't they ever heard of Silence is Golden??? That, plus the horribly stilted, slow-moving, and all out sucktastic scene and acrid acting kinda sucks the life out of me.
ETA 2: How rude of me. What did people who watched the movie think?